Ok, so I typed in “what do I want to
do with my life” in the yahoo search engine and found about 50
billion sites on how to ask myself 50 billion questions that I don't
know how to answer. Quite frankly, this is the entire reason why I
started searching to begin with, because I DON'T KNOW!. I finally
clicked on a web-site from page 10 because I was tired of searching.
So this lady claims this one 20 minute test changed her life, so I
said, What the hell. It's either spend 20 minutes doing what she
say's or 20 minutes sifting through more pages,either way I have
nothing to loose. So here's the deal. I am supposed to time myself 20
minutes to write down a 100 things I want to do. Boy I hope I can
type that fast. Then I am supposed to wait 24 hours and then go back
to my list and see what things on there are actually doable. My guess
is that 80% of my list will never be looked at again,but she banked
her life on it, so I will to. Ok, so here we go.....
Open a metaphysical shop
want to travel inside and outside of
the country
want to work a non traditional job that
pays a lot for only part time work
I want a cockatoo
Crap, my brain froze, tick tock!
I want to write a book
I want to teach metaphysics
I want to help people
I want to travel to Germany
I want to see the 7 wonders of the
world
I want to live in the trees
and near the ocean
I want time to just enjoy life
I want to spend time in the tide pools
I want to have a deeper spirituality
I want to be happy
I want to feel fulfilled
I want to escape
But I don't
I want to learn to can and make my own
fruit
I want to live without a lot of
financial pressure
I want to cook different things just
because
I want the money so I can afford to
cook the yummy things
Tick..tock it's already been 8 minutes
and I haven't even gotten to 20
I want to live my life without fear or
worry
I want the energy of a 25 year old
I want to learn to fire dance
I want to be able to council people or
give readings on my own time
I want to write
I want to stay up late and watch the
lunar eclipse
I want to stay up all night and watch
the metor showers
I want time to just live life and enjoy
the world
I want to feel excited again
I want to have more bon fires and music
I want more nights of fun activites
with the kids
I want the money to do fun things with
my family
I want to live a slower life
I want my mind to shut up
I want my fears to go away
15 minutes...5 to go...eeeekkkk!
I want to feel again
I want to not feel fear anymore
I want to stop talking myself out of
everything
I want to believe what I tell myself
I want my stregnth back again
I want my roadblocks that are in my way
to just disappear
I want to feel my angels near, all the
time
I want God to walk with me
I want my husbands back to stop hurting
all the time
I want to feel grounded
I want to save the world
I want to live the life I see in my
visions
I want to teach others and to share
without fear
I want to stop getting so mentally
blocked I can't think
I want to stop the cycle of self
sabotage
I want to stop being so afraid
I want to feel the energy around me and
become one with it
I want to feel the light again...all
the time
I want to know I can do whatever I set
my heart to
I want to stop wondering and start
knowing again.
Times up and I made it to 52. I can't
say the insight I obtained was actually figuring out what I want to
do with my life, but I did discover that I am not as greedy as I
thought I was when I first started. In fact, the more I started
writing, the more deeper within I started to go and realized that the
things I desire most is not physical,it's emotional and spiritual.
And it's not what direction I want to go in life, it's getting rid of
the things that are preventing me from living my life. This wasn't a
waste of time,however, because I did gain some insight into myself.
I also don't feel like a failure for not getting to a hundred, in
fact, I would rather have fifty something things that matter, things
that I can work on, then a hundred things of absolute non-sense that
I will never read or really care about again.
It's funny, because the way that it
was going, I couldn't but to feel this was more like a spell. Me
telling myself what I really needed to know, and in time, I guess
this could be life changing to. It's like peeling away the layers of
an onion. We often start on the surface and slowly work our way to
the core of who we are. This is where the key is. There are a lot of
cool things that run through our heads, but inspiration and passion
aren't always enough. In my case, my blocks are so strong that I
can't even reach passion or inspiration because the fear is to
strong. The mental,emotional and spiritual blocks that I have created
won't let me see the potential in really anything. As I read through
the beginning of this list, I felt like some lazy and greedy person
who's only looking to be left alone and wanting a free ride so I can
do whatever I want to,but as I delve deeper within, I discovered,
this isn't the case because the reason I want this is because of the
need to be alone and just take a mental and emotional siesta. There
is pain and the further I go down the list, the more pain I discover.
So now, I am stuck with a list of not things I want to do, but things
I need to clear away so I can write the list on things I want to do.
I think my only saving grace in this
entire experiment is the knowledge of knowing my how strong my desire
is to draw closer to my Divine, and that brings me hope.
