From the Ashes

I was reading the news on yahoo, something I have been doing alot lately, and almost everything on there is so negative. So I decided to hide away in my web-site, something us cancer's do often, and this mystical energy came over me, and I realized something. As I was looking at the picture of the woman over looking the water  and mountains, and I felt that pull once again. You know that feeling, like something just grabs you and you know that this is where you belong. This space that I created with my own energy, my own desire, my own blood, sweat and tears, the place is where I belong because I created it. I created it with love, dedication and imagination and I weaved it with mystical energy. I realized how grounded and peaceful I feel in this realm. I used to spend alot of time in this realm, so much so that the things around me would just fade away. In this realm I was happy. In this realm I am able to tap into what I can't in the normal physical realm, and this is hope, peace and knowledge.
It's like stepping out of a realm of sadness and dispair to a realm that is so clear. In this realm all things are possible. I can feel everything, but most important, this is where I have found my soul. Everything, is so clear. And this is what I wanted to bring to the world.
I want to show that there is more then just what we see day to day. That mystical energy is so alive today. I just forgot how much of a part of my life it was and how I walked away from it. When I started on this journey, I wanted to know what that feeling was that I felt as a child. I knew something more, but I wanted to know what it was, so I studiesdand researched. I broke everything down so I could understand it. But then I needed to know where my life fit into the mix. It's obviously something greater then myself, but what made my life so important? Everything is connected and on one hand I felt privileged to be a part of it. Yet, there was something inside that felt that since it was so great and so ancient,  what I was able to bring to it couldn't possibly mean much if anything. I mean, how many other Mediums are out there that work with the lost souls? How many other psychics can connect with the Angels and give messages? How many can project and manipulate energy for a greater cause? What makes me so special? My answer...nothing. So my journey began my downward spiral. It's all borrowed power and I needed to know where my power ended and theirs began. It's been lonely, confusing and dark. I feel like I have been lost for years. Searching, seeking  answers. At some point I no longer cared about where or what it was, I just wanted it back. From time to time, I would feel the pull and though I wanted it, I didn't know how to get back what I once lost it.
I always used to say it's connection, and it is connection, but the connection I once had was a constant flow. I was part of this realm, but not really in this realm. I was able to tap into it without even thinking about it. There was no spending 10 minutes to raise the energy, it was there at my disposal. Today I realized that it's not theirs and mine, I am this energy and this energy is me. There is no separation, we are one. I am one with everything I do, everything I connect with. There is no separation between this realm and that if I choose to embrace both. Which is how it is meant to be. I know where I am at in this life, in this earthly realm is not where I am supposed to be. My husband also knows this to. In fact, he see's it more clearly then I do.
I used to dream. Today I feel those dreams beginning to awaken from deep within.  I not only know where I am supposed to be, but more important, I feel it.

New Times

I was working on my web-site today. I went to my Blog Talk Radio Show and I heard the Theme Song, In The Middle, and then some of an archived show. It felt so good, so right. My life now, it doesn't feel right. I've decided recently to go back to work online and to start with Blog Talk again. My job right now, however is so emotionally and mentally exhausting. I had such a hard time letting gone and trusting God, trusting the Angels. Faith, what feels like a lifetime ago, used to come so natural. I've been blocked for some time and I don't really know how to unblock it. No amount of cleansing, clearing, remembering, will change that. I know this. There is something within that changed and I know things needs to change again, within. I know I need to let go and just allow the Angels to take over for awhile.
There has been alot of negativity coming through lately. This past year has been a real struggle, both financially, but everything, it feels like I had to fight for everything. Fighting for a job that I no longer feel joy and pride over, fighting with people to keep the job I hate so much. None of it makes any sense to me. My advice to someone else would be, what does your inner voice say? Where does your intuition guide you towards?
So Now I ask myself this question? My inner voice tells me that it is ridiculous to fight so hard for a job, and to let go of the control over the job and hand it over to the Angels to heal. It's a job. It's meant to  put a roof over our heads and food in our mouths, but it used to be more source of pride. I used to feel good about a job well done, but now it feels like a job well done doesn't appease those who don't want me to succeed. This job has torn me down. My days off our my refuge, a needed break from the insanity that has encompassed around this job. But each day that I go back, there is little peace, because I know what is to come. It's like having two lives. One I could have and have dreamed about, and one I can't stand. There is no longer any balance, only despair. This isn't right, I know it's not right. I know this isn't where I belong and I know this chapter of my life is ending.
I don't know where my intuition guides me towards, but I do know where my heart guides me to. The problem is that my job takes so much out of me, I have no strength left to walk both paths. It's like two opposites that don't mesh. I don't think they are supposed to. I need the money to support my family, yet there is little money to fulfill my duties in this area. It's worth it to survive, but my desire is not to just survive, it's to live.
I need strength to fight, but I think I am fighting the wrong battle. The battle I fight now feels to pointless. I am angry, but I am not channeling it into something beneficial. This whole thing consumes me. I'm battling  petty people who hold no real significance to me in my life, I hold none in there's. It's all to feed their ego's, which to me is pointless.
So what does my heart tell me to do? It tell me if something feels this wrong, then it's not right. So what are you going to do to change it? I can't change my job right now, but I can hand over the stresses to ArchAngel Michael. Considering I believe some of this is more supernatural, then it will help to have an army of powerful ArchAngels to help me fight this aspect of my life. Ask ArchAngel Gabrielle to help heal the situation to help the love flow through.
They ask what do I want to do with my life. I want to start working towards my purpose. They ask what my purpose is. My answer is I'm not really sure, but I do know that my Blog Talk Radio show felt so right. So helping people connect to something greater, something that brings hope, and connect them to the one's who bring that. I feel peace. I feel love. I feel healing. I'm not here to fight against hope, I fight for it. And things that draw me away from that, only brings to me where I am now.
I am a mother and wife and want to provide everything my family needs. I want to be a minister. As a Medium, I want to help the souls entrusted to me. As a human, I want to help those living who are entrusted to me. I want to be able to do this as my job.
Something has got to give. I can't really the road ahead, so at this moment, I am hoping the Angels will guide me. I am also hoping that opportunites will open.
I'm at a crossroads right now and I am being asked to choose.
I choose the path hope. I choose the path I feel I should be on and I trust that the Divine will provide the finances we need to live. I'm choosing to let go of my stresses at my job and entrust that they will take care of this aspect until I am able to fully move down the path I am meant to be on.
At this moment, I feel the storm passing and I feel confident knowing that I am looked after. I feel like my faith is being restored. I know where I am supposed to be. I know the path I am supposed to be on. It's time to let go, and I am willing to do that so I can transition.
Thank You Blessed Beings From Above!

New Beginnings Meditation

The path is before me.

I can see the morning sun rising above the mountain top.

The sun's rays warm my face.

A butterfly flies before me. Yellow and black, it's a monarch.

It flies ahead on the path urging me to follow.

The grass is bright green on both sides of the path. Wildflowers grow in the distance.

I want to leave the path to smell them. I am distracted.

The butterfly flies only on the path. It gently urges once again for me to follow. I know I must. I begin to walk down the dirt path before me.

A way's up I turn around to look behind me. The forest is dark and dense. I realize that I have no desire to turn back so I turn forward once again and continue to walk. I feel pulled to look back again, and so I do.

I can now see shadows dancing in the darkness. I have no desire to go back, yet I feel compelled to. Do I go forward or keep looking back. I realize that each time I look back, I am not moving forward. I am not moving at all, I am standing still.

The butterfly returns to my side. I see her beauty and feel her peace. She beckons me to make a decision. Again, I have no real desire to go back. So I turn forward and do not look back anymore. In this moment there is peace. There is knowing, there is confidence and clarity. Though I do not see the whole path ahead, I know this is where I must be. I am excited about the journey.

Ahead I see more wildflowers, this time right on the side of the path. I stop to smell them for I know that these one's will not take me off my path.

The sun continues to rise high above. Ahead is a small pond. The butterfly encourages me to look in the water. I see myself, my life at this moment. I see myself typing this meditation. I want to see more. I see tree's, I see my job, I see more writing. I do not see details. I feel that I am not meant to. As I see further into the details, the water begins to ripple. Instinct is the lesson here. A lion does not see when or where or even what food he will eat that day, he just knows what he must do in order to eat that day. It's important to have a vision,but at what point do we stop dreaming and start doing? If I focus on all the challenges, I will never accomplish anything. Focus on the end result, one step. Things change so we must be flexible, so do not focus on the details, focus on the end result on that which you wish to accomplish.

The path continues on the other side of the pond, but if I walk around the pond, I will walk off the path. It will be difficult to go back on the path and I may not ever be able to get back on. In order to fulfill what I have seen, I must stay on the path. I know what I must do for my heart will not allow me to do anything else. As I step into the pond, rocks appear, stepping stones. As I step into each rock, I see the word “Faith”. I walk across the pond with only wet feet.

Once across the other side, the path comes up from the pond and continues, as do I. I see the Ravens, those who have watched over me since childhood, and I know that I am right where am supposed to be.

The vision changes back to our wedding day with my children and my husband at my side. I see them again, as they were on that day. 20 some Ravens flying over the cliff and circling us from above. Then another set of 20 some Ravens coming from the left over the cliff, joining the first 20 and circling above us.

The future I have seen before me is my path. I have no desire going back to how it was. I must now continue on my path. All things have been reset. They have placed me back on track. What is done is done, now is the time to continue forward. All is renewed.